i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
