I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
