We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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