i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love having hate sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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