Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
