apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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