So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
