Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
