Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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