Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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