Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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