i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
