garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
