i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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