Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
