Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
