Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
