I need help removing her.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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