i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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