Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
