i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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