you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
