well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
