If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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