I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
