Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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