She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
