I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
