after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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