a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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