it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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