Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
