And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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