I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
