I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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