is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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