im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
