I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize