i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
