I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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