I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
