Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
