SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
