Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
