Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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