your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
