i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
