I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
