Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
