You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
