If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
