The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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