I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
