the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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