You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
