did you get engaged???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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