College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
