I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My life is pants optional.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
