Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
