it's too hot outside to masturbate.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
