What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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