You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
