My hand turned me down
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
