? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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