peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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