Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
