Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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