It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
