I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
