so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
