she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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