College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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